I never expect that dad would be so sick. If mum didn't suggest to let dad go hospital on that night..., maybe he would have left us earlier. I must say dad is quite strong. Idk how long he must be feeling pain, doctor say he should have liver cancer for at least a year. Cuz he was diagnosed with advanced liver cancer when we send him to the hospital. It was so sudden, I didn't know it was so serious. Now dad is back home with us, but I see a drastic difference. He became weak, he couldn't even walk. And he speak so soft. I miss those days when he could shout us, always nag at us that we don't bother to take our clean clothes back to our room. And he will only get worse. He won't recover anymore. Idk how long he can spend time with us, but I am glad that at least dad is still with us. I know he is trying hard to live, because he is worried about 3 of us, 3 sisters. I know he worried about the second one the most, because my sister has mild depression. Idk if she can take it. I think when dad is gone, I have to pay extra attention to her, cuz she won't have that person that she can expect to come home from work. She always wait for dad to come home and she is like a kid, maybe cuz she need the attention, she wants someone to care for her. Idk how my 2 younger sisters gonna cope with dad being gone. They seem fine now... but I know they haven't really take in the situation yet. I know by that time I have to be strong, and take the whole responsibility of the family, because my mum is indonesian, there are a lot of things she couldn't understand and need my help.
I have to learn to be stronger, to be more responsible for the family. I am the eldest, I have to take this responsibility. But it is still so sudden. I am only 19. I didn't expect this thing to come so fast. I was hoping that dad could see me graduate from poly at least. :'(
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