RIP HamHam

Tonight is the night when HamHam passed away. It was Kevin pet hamster, he has been with Kevin about 2 years plus. He said that he went home very late and didn't get to see HamHam for the last time. He said HamHam didn't close his eyes and even got tears. He must be waiting for Kevin to come back. He said it was so sudden, he thought HamHam can survive about 3 years plus. It reminds me of how it happened to me too, not knowing dad will be like this too. At least I know how long dad is able to be still with us. It was already fortunate. But I still hope that it was all a dream.

My dad birthday is on 11 Sep. Do you think he's able to make it for his birthday?
It is kind of a difficult period for me. With exams on the 18Aug. Tell me, how do I have the mood and concentration to do it? But I tried my best bah. Then I looked at Dad just now, it was kind of difficult to look at him, cuz he's getting weaker every single day.
IDK if I am able to be like the head of the family. My youngest sis is only 12 this year. I am going to be the father, to take care of the family. It's kind of hard, I can't believe I'm saying this but I miss dad's shouting, because he was so energetic. And now, he couldn't even hardly bring up the energy to say clearly. He decided to pass away at home. It's been 2 weeks plus since knowing about Dad condition..

Anyway RIP Hamham, this post is dedicated for you.

What a week.

I never expect that dad would be so sick. If mum didn't suggest to let dad go hospital on that night..., maybe he would have left us earlier. I must say dad is quite strong. Idk how long he must be feeling pain, doctor say he should have liver cancer for at least a year. Cuz he was diagnosed with advanced liver cancer when we send him to the hospital. It was so sudden, I didn't know it was so serious. Now dad is back home with us, but I see a drastic difference. He became weak, he couldn't even walk. And he speak so soft. I miss those days when he could shout us, always nag at us that we don't bother to take our clean clothes back to our room. And he will only get worse. He won't recover anymore. Idk how long he can spend time with us, but I am glad that at least dad is still with us. I know he is trying hard to live, because he is worried about 3 of us, 3 sisters. I know he worried about the second one the most, because my sister has mild depression. Idk if she can take it. I think when dad is gone, I have to pay extra attention to her, cuz she won't have that person that she can expect to come home from work. She always wait for dad to come home and she is like a kid, maybe cuz she need the attention, she wants someone to care for her. Idk how my 2 younger sisters gonna cope with dad being gone. They seem fine now... but I know they haven't really take in the situation yet. I know by that time I have to be strong, and take the whole responsibility of the family, because my mum is indonesian, there are a lot of things she couldn't understand and need my help.

I have to learn to be stronger, to be more responsible for the family. I am the eldest, I have to take this responsibility. But it is still so sudden. I am only 19. I didn't expect this thing to come so fast. I was hoping that dad could see me graduate from poly at least. :'(

想了这么多的画面，如果爸出事了，该怎么办？明明在心里给自己许多的心里准备。但真的发生的时候，却还是准备不过来。如果晚点送到医院的话，后果真不堪设想。看到爸在医院那么的辛苦，才越发觉得岁月不留人。爸，真的老了。如果真有老天爷的话，请让爸，再留在我们身边多几年。因为他那三个女儿，都还算小吧。最大连21岁都不到。我希望爸到时候，还能陪我过生日。我，真的不会好好珍惜。当爸身体还很健康的时候，我却没好好地陪他。看他那么痛苦，我才发觉到，爸，真的老了。
只原他还有时间陪我们，还能看到小妹毕业于小学。
希望爸，还能健健康康，地陪在我们身边。