Back to blogging again since my mum got a new laptop (secondhand btw), cost $150.
This laptop does not lag at all, so I find it easier to do a blog post now. Hmmm it's about 5 months since my last post, a lot of things happened. Yeap.
So .... I went for my Taiwan Trip around Feb. Although it was abit mundane cuz we freaking stay in Taipei only for 10 days lol.
But overall it was fun! Because I am out of Singapore hahah. The weather there was 10x better than SG. Why SG has to be this hot ... :(
After that I had my braces, I was afraid of plucking out my teeth for the braces initially. Because once I pluck out, it means I am really doing it. So yeah, I did it anyway. Wanted to change this profile photo of mine to recent one, but this laptop did not have any of my photos, so I shall let it be first. :)
Hmm.. I am supposed to go for Bangkok trip, but I forgo that. Because, I borrow a sum of money from my friend, and being addicted to sports betting, thinking I could win it all, I bet th half of that amount and I lose. From that moment on, I realize that I am really in some deep shit. Because when I try to borrow from mum, she say she was in difficult situation too. After helping to pay deposit for my braces, basically her long time Indonesian friend had cancer and need money for treatment. She has a house which is just beside my Indonesian house, so she say she will sell her house so that my mum will have a bigger home uh basically. Long story short, she pay some amount as a deposit for the house, then monthly installment payment for the rest. It's only recently that I found out she got another car in Indonesia and she's paying installment for that too. Seriously, why is she making so many commitments when she still has to pay so much bills in SG here.
So talking about money stress me out the most.
And when I start to forgo Bangkok trip, I have been going to work frequently. I didn't quit the Ichiban Sushi job because I have work there for 2 years already. I really don't want to give up on that.
I know I earn so little from it, I could have easily found a better job with my Banking diploma. But right now, I do not want to get a full time job because I wanted to get a uni degree. I intend to get into UNISIM, bachelor in social work. It's totally different from my diploma. But at that point of time when I was choosing poly courses, I wanted to get social enterprise, I didn't think about social work at all lol. But I talk to R and she say at least I have some business diploma I could fall back to if I cannot make it for uni..
omg I keep rambling cuz I have so much to say. Anyway, these 5 months have been, a life changing for me? Well actually no, but I have been doing planks once I woke up everyday. It has not stop at all, I find it damn amazing that I am able to maintain for this long. I have been working hard too! I didn't know I am able to do that, driven by the money of course.
Recently I keep thinking about relationships, maybe I felt vulnerable, so I keep wanting to get a relationship, to feel love and support from my love one. I want to feel how it's like to be in love. But it's so difficult to find someone that is able to understand me, because of my financial situation, I find it hard to relate to most of the average teens here. I've been thinking about my poly friends too. I find that the distance between me and them, in terms of my financial status, is so far. It made me feel kind of down though, like I don't belong. But I am damn surprised that this one coursemate of mine, she like really understand my situation and always motivate me. Although we are not close, but she's really nice to tell me not to give up. I guess because she had similar background as me, but I was not clear of how her family situation is like, only knowing that she came from a single parent family.
Okay back to the reason why I do not want to take on a full time job yet is because ... I like the flexibility of working part time, I can just give the schedule I want. It's not a fixed 9-5 job thing. Of course the pay will be so much lesser. That's why I want to get a full time job that I would like to do and able to do it for my whole life hahah.
I am trying to be positive towards life now, recently, my second sis trying to scare me, she say mum going back to indonesia, so I kind of panic, because how am I going to survive?!?
I have a lot of responsibilities because I am the eldest and my second sis is being such a selfish brat. I don't think she's able to go back to the society anymore. I give up on her already.
And I am disappointed with my younges sis result for her mid year exams. Guess I have to check on her studies already. What I am trying to do now is to improve on my life, make it meaningful and productive. I know once I am free, I will just keep watching drama, and that's not a good thing at all. This only shows that I don't have the self discipline to push on myself to do a more productive stuff. So I guess from July onward, I just have push myself by working more, volunteer during free day. I should try to help my sis in her homework too.
I should try to improve on my house condition too. Don't ever use being busy working as an excuse and not clearing the house. I should be more diligent in learning my korean, afterall I am spending the money on korean lesson too.
Guess I have rambled enough hahah. Tomorrow I am working again :X
I will come back to post again when I'm free, hopefully I become a better person the next time I post. :)
